With great power comes great responsibility

[pandora_parrot]

Zion this year was a bit of a bust.

So, apparently, it seems that there's a lot about my body that I don't know. For the second time this year, I've had a rather intense encounter with DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness). The first time was when I went snowboarding earlier in the year.

In both situations, I discovered that I had the ability to do something new with my body. And I did it. Continually. Over and over again. And somewhere in there, I missed the memo from my body that it was tired and exhausted and needed to stop. I kept pushing it. And bam, I wound up with super intense pain in my muscles so bad that it had me nauseous and in tears.

I think this all comes down to the fact that, really, I've never used my body before. I've had a vague notion that there are muscles and bones and stuff in there somewhere, but it was all abstract. Silly academic trivia that was not applicable to real life. For the most part, up until transition, I was more or less a couch potato. I never used my muscles, really. So now that I *am* using them, I'm not really 100% aware of how they work.

So, on Friday, when we arrived, I did this nice tiny hike up a hillside to see some emerald pools. The hike up was brutal, because I forgot to take my inhaler. Once we hit the top, I took the inhaler, and a half hour later, I was literally running around and jumping like never before. As we descended the rocky terrain, I flew, leaping from boulder to boulder, jumping down from rocks instead of carefully stepping down, running down more extreme downgrades. It was wonderful. A feeling that I haven't experienced in many many years. That sense of physical freedom and agility when your body is cooperating with you and you can just move!

So pleased was I with this newfound discovery, that when we did Mystery Canyon the next day, I decided to continue using these abilities. As we hiked through the area, I hopped about, jumping down from rocks, and enjoying my agility to the fullest.

Big mistake.

You see... All that jumping and whatnot? Takes a *lot* of energy. Half way through the canyon, my legs got really tired. But we still had to hike the rest of the way. I wound up pushing my legs way beyond their stress limits, which resulted in the DOMS hitting me hard the next day.

Why didn't it occur to me to go easy on my legs? Well, you see... before the past couple years, I would know I'd hit my exhaustion limit when I was out of breath. My ability to suck in air and process it seemed to be my biggest limitation on physical activity. So my intuitive sense built up around this meaning "tired." And the wonderful thing about this sort of exhaustion is that if you need to keep pushing through it, you can. You just need to stop and rest for a while and everything will be all good.

So this whole idea of my *muscles themselves* being tired is really new to me. I'm not used to muscles being tired while I'm still breathing just fine. And thus am I lately prone to injuring myself in this way, pushing my muscles too far and not realizing what the signals about them being tired mean nor how to react to them. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually, with enough trial and error. But there's going to be a lot of bumps in the road as I figure out how it all works.

I've finally learned to use this body of mine and am increasing its power. But I'm also learning a lot more about the care and maintenance of my body.

Challenging stuff.

So anyways, I was really in pain on Sunday morning, but decided to do the Keyhole Canyon anyways, short little 3 hour thing that it is. By the time night came around, I was in so much pain that I was literally nauseous. Every now and then, I found myself crying from the sheer pain. When we walked around, I shuffled like an old woman in need of a walker or something. The sudden inability to even do normal walking was devastating to me after two days of feeling agile and free, light on my feet. I was sick with pain, barely able to move, and emotionally devastated by what I was having trouble not seeing as the failing of my body.

Monday came and went, and Tuesday, I found that I was still feeling quite pained and hurt. Based on how I was performing at Keyhole, I knew that I was going to have some major issues if I joined the group for that day's hike. So I watched as the rest of the group went off to do Behunin Canyon with Tom Jones, while I sat back in the hotel room and played video games. They came back beaten up, torn up, exhausted. It made it clear that I was in no shape to have done the canyon. But they also came back with amazing stories, new knowledge, and a wonderful experience.

Wednesday, I was pissed. My legs were still aching, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. They were pretty okay by this point. I was tired of sitting around doing nothing all day. So I geared up and joined the group to climb to the top of Angel's Landing.

One slight problem there. While I was convalescing from the DOMS over the previous few days, it appears that something weakened my immune system. By Wednesday, I was at the beginning of a cold.

At first, I blew it off, figuring it was just congestion from sleeping out in the tent or something. Later, when I found myself getting tired just walking around, I realized something was up, but chose to ignore it. I started to just internally scream at my body to cooperate. As we walked to the bus stop to go to the trail head, I was throwing up a little every so often. A little voice in my head said I should give up, but I was too busy screaming at my body to fucking do what it was told. I was flushed, feverish, and not feeling well at all, but I refused to listen to my inner wisdom and pushed myself onwards. As we started to hike up Angel's Landing, I was dizzy, nauseous, and feeling horribly ill. But damnit, I was going to get up that damned mountain even if it killed me!

Luckily, I came to my senses about a quarter of the way up, stopped, and talked to my companions about my physical condition. I sat for a while, deciding whether or not to continue, but I ultimately took the wiser decision and went back down the mountain. I was in no shape to do any hiking. Hell, I was in no shape to be out of bed. I needed to go back.

Since this was just the start of the cold, I knew that my vacation was over at this point. Knowing my cycle with colds, it was going to get worse for a few days and then take several days to fade away. As I walked away down the mountain, I sobbed and cried, frustrated at my body for not doing what I wanted it to do that week.

I took some painkillers on the way down, and as they kicked in, I considered the meaning of this. I've been under a lot of stress for the past two months. Incredible amounts of stress in places. And, in a way, I realized that I could choose to see these issues as my body's way of telling me to actually get some REST on my vacation, instead of going off galavanting in the mountains and hiking all over creation.

I slowly trudged my way back to the hotel, crawled into bed, and cried for a little while. I got my cry out, and as the day went on, I came to terms with the fact that my vacation was not "ruined" per se. just changed. By the time everyone else got back from Angel's Landing, I was actually feeling in good spirits.

The next day, viesti and I left Zion. She was pretty tired herself, and I really wasn't going to be doing anything besides sitting around playing video games, watching TV, and reading books. We were supposed to stay there until Sunday, but given what was going on, we wound up just leaving that Thursday.

I then spent the next several days resting, relaxing, and spending time with nice people taking care of me. I think my cold broke today, as I only have a slight tickle in my throat today, and took dayquil only once early in the AM.

It was actually nice to have a few days where I didn't have anything scheduled. I got to spend time doing things I haven't done in a while. Video games I haven't played in ages. Spent time with some people I haven't had a chance to see in some time. It was really nice, actually.

I suppose I could almost be glad I got sick and injured out there. I'm not, but I could find my way into that mindset if I tried, I suppose.

In the end, I guess I learned that I have to work *with* my body, instead of *against* it. I have limits, and I need to learn what they are. And I need to learn how to listen to my body when it starts to tell me that I'm nearing them.

Comments

[theflamecrow.livejournal.com]

DOMS sounds like what poor Plur has, except he's constantly suffering from it even now, after the fact that he pushed himself too hard. He gets sick alot...

[paradox-puree.livejournal.com]

DOMS is just delayed onset muscle soreness. It happens when you push your muscles too far and you wind up getting pain several hours/days later. It usually fades within a week or so. If he's got more pain than that, it's something else.

[theflamecrow.livejournal.com]

Possibly, but it really sounds about the same. I guess maybe he pushed too hard even after the DOMS set in and really got fucked up?

[paradox-puree.livejournal.com]

I have no idea.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

...Are you sure that shouldn't be "While I was convalescing from the DOMS over the previous few days, it appears that something weakened my immune system"?

[blackberry74.livejournal.com]

yes, please listen to your body. I'd hate to see you injured to the point where you do serious damage. We care about you. :)