Bird droppings

I have no idea how far we'll go.

I have no idea what the steps are to this dance.

Where things will lead. What will happen.

But there is power here.

There is possibility and chance.

So take my hand and come dance with me, and let's discover the future together.

And what will be is what shall be.

Two of my lovers are experiencing over-loads in part due to the quantity of people they are dating. I am too, and so I've made some changes to my life.

Prior to coming to California, and really prior to transition, I didn't know too many other people that I shared interests with enough to be interested in dating. Such people were fairly unusual to me. So upon coming out as trans and moreso upon coming to California, I've felt like a kid in a candy store, meeting tons of people that were interested in me and that I was interested in.

I've never, ever, had to say no before. When I would meet someone awesome, there was plenty of time to devote a portion of my life to them and start spending time with them. It's just that there were so few people for whom there was mutual interest, so every person was rare and precious.

But now... there's so many. Awesome people are a dime a dozen. So there's not enough free time to date them all. I cannot use my old pattern of seeing every awesome person as rare and precious. I have to face the fact that every new person I add to my life means less time with someone that I'm already with. Instead of growing in quality with the people I'm dating, I would be growing in quantity of people.

Before it becomes a real problem, I'm going to stop what I'm doing and change. I'm done dating new people for a while. I'm going to work on existing relationships, building and deepening them to make them stronger. I'm very in love with a small handful of people, and there are a few others with whom I've got some nice potential growing as we get to know each other better. I want to grow this. I want to fall deeper with these people. I want to see what this could be. I am dating these people because they are beautiful to me. I don't want to miss this time with them because I'm too busy collecting every single person I come across.

So for the first time in years, I'm going to be saying no when people ask me out... Wild.