My brain is weird

[pandora_parrot]

I find it interesting that I have very very slow information processing going on in my head on some topics, but on others, I'm lightning fast, to the point that it feels as though I just *know* things.



For example, last night, I was talking to serendipitygirl about something emotional, and she asked me if I thought she was a spaz. However, I didn't quite hear her say "spaz" and had to spend a few extra moments processing her speech to determine what she said. It's like this all the time with folks. I'm always having to delay so that I can figure out what words someone said, or make guesses based on limited knowledge. Last night, serendipitygirl gave me the time to explain why I delayed, as she initially thought it was because I was upset or something. Many people don't give me that chance.

On the flip side of that, technical stuff just comes into my head naturally. Someone once showed me a program the likes of which I had never seen before and asked me how it worked. I showed her how it worked without even a moment's hesitation. At work, I was having an issue with something crashing the device I'm working with, and I immediately thought of a solution. My coworker looked at what I did and looked at me with wonder, trying to figure out how I came up with that.

It takes me an hour to write a 3 line email asking my boss for a few days off work. It takes me a half hour to write a 5 page document comprising the technical details of the platform I'm working with.

But it's not just technical stuff. I take forever to do mental math. My short-term memory is crap, and I constantly forget what numbers I'm working with. But I can look at a person and determine that their behavior has changed in a heartbeat, even if I can't figure out *how* it's changed or what to do about it.

I can remember details about object-oriented design patterns and data structures, but I can't remember shit about syntax and APIs without a reference guide of some sort. I have to look up the way to get a string's length about once a week.

I look at a video game, board game, complex piece of machinery, and I can usually instantly grok it. I can see where all the widgets go, what they do, and why they're there. I can come up with alternate designs pretty quickly, noticing ways that things can be optimized or improved. Explain what you feel or what you want me to do, and it can potentially take me forever to figure out what you actually *meant.*

And again, sometimes, it's reversed. I can't figure out Photoshop, no matter how many times I've played with it. Sometimes, I pick up on things going on with people's emotions that they don't even notice themselves.

It's like I'm displaced from other people. Not so much better at some specific things and worse at others, but just off to the side of them. Unusually good at some things and unusually bad at other things.

I think part of the issue is that my brain just feels differently wired than others. I can manage really complex things really easily, seeing relationships between all the different parts and understanding how they interconnect. But simple things don't work so well. I can grasp the gestalt of something really fast, but not the specific details. I can remember things really well over long periods of time and be able to recall them in a moment, but I can't remember something I just said or did. My mind only seems capable of holding a very small number of things in it at any given moment, but I can easily store and recall that information.

*shrugs* It's weird stuff.

Comments

[mantic-angel.livejournal.com]

I can feel the pattern underneath that. You're good at structures and flows - you can tell me *how* the data moves, and *that* it has changed, but you have trouble actually tracking the data itself. The kinesthetics, the changes, the differences are what you notice, not the actual content.

I definitely grok you on "just knowing." These days I can usually dissect *why* I know something, but it takes me far longer to explain the path. I do it a LOT with social interactions. I used to be able to do it with mathematics.

Really, all of us do it with language - I have a thought I want to communicate and I just *know* how to modulate my vocal cords to create the right sound waves :)

It's interesting to think that "knowing" is a natural trait, yet it varies quite a lot from person to person, what is "known".

[paradox-puree.livejournal.com]

I can feel the pattern underneath that. You're good at structures and flows - you can tell me *how* the data moves, and *that* it has changed, but you have trouble actually tracking the data itself. The kinesthetics, the changes, the differences are what you notice, not the actual content.
*nods* Yes! Exactly!

[liannanshith.livejournal.com]

I'm having an odd meta moment, but I suddenly got a flashback to Simon Pegg as The Editor in the Doctor Who episode "The Long Game" where he says that there's something "wrong with the information, something fictional." He just could innately feel that the change was there.

Of course, his job literally is information and manipulation.

[aesmael.livejournal.com]

That is very much the impression received. Much recognition sparked, although where comprehension is expression often fails, especially in social interactions. People may be readable but the nature of the following step is frequently confused.

Hm. No thoughts holding something to actually add though.

[chaoticset.livejournal.com]

This reminds me somehow of my idea about facts having a sort of volume and mass...but it's lost from me at the moment. English will return.

[skipperofarc.livejournal.com]

However, I didn't quite hear her say "spaz" and had to spend a few extra moments processing her speech to determine what she said.

This is yet another one of those things that goes on with me only when I'm not dissociating (even when I'm calm!)...

Anything else I could say in response to this would be incredibly biased from my own experience, so I'll keep it shut ;)