I am privileged

[pandora_parrot]

I had a bit of a rude awakening this past weekend. I was in the middle of a heated discussion with aepalizage, which, in part, contained me lecturing her on what was wrong with her life and what she needed to do to improve herself. I explained to her, in my ever-so-clear-and-correct opinion, that ANYTHING is possible, if you are willing to pay the price.

She reminded me of something important then... Not everyone has the resources that I've had in my life.

This has been said to me before, but I think this was the first time I really heard it.

I am privileged.

I am well-off financially. Sure, I struggle with money a lot, but I make plenty of money to pay down my debts and live a very very comfortable life.

I am educated. For whatever reason it happened, I was able to get through college and get a 4-year degree in Computer Science and Mathematics.

I am not disabled, either by mental issues or by physical issues. I am able to function more or less normally despite what issues I do have.

I was socialized as a male, which I understand gives me reprieve from certain elements of cultural oppression that most women learn as children.

I am white. I don't have to fight against prejudice and racism in order to achieve my position in life.

I have lots of resources in the realm of social contacts and professional contacts.

There's plenty more, I'm sure.

...

I took what I said to aepalizage back. Sometimes... people just don't have the resources needed to do certain things. Although I have accomplished a lot through intense effort, sacrifice, and hard work, I cannot divorce my results from the fact that I was putting forth such effort from a position of power. I can't use my success as indicative of what everyone is capable of. I can't tell others how to live their life based on my example.

I learned a bit of humility this weekend, and for that I am grateful.

Comments

[mantic-angel.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're saying. I've enjoyed privledge and I've been screwed over for lacking some of what you have. Just by dint of your past, you've got a higher point on the ladder than some, which makes it easier to rise yet farther.

Except that you *did* put that intense effort, hard work, and sacrifice out there. That's one of the main measures of success I use - were you willing to devote yourself to utilizing what resources you have? Were you willing to push and aquire what you weren't privledged enough to be born with, as needed?

How far have you come from where you started? Have you seized what opportunities life offered, made the most of them? Sure, you have the luxury of just coasting - and it's an enviable luxury - but you don't just coast.

[lisbethk24.livejournal.com]

I am immensely pleased to hear you say this, dear.

[uncledark.livejournal.com]

Nicely put.

[changingone77.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for acknowleging this. I've been trying to get a few of my upper-middle class friends to realize this, but they just don't get it. In being privleged their whole lives, in so many ways, they can't understand that I haven't had the same opportunities and don't have the same economic mobility as them. But they sometimes make me feel ashamed for not being so financially accomplished, and it frustrates me to no end.

Oh, I just wanted to add that there is no homogenous experience of maleness or of race, or of class, for that matter. Growing up as a queer white kid on the Navajo Reservation (and on welfare) I wasn't exactly extended any of the privileges people assume come with being white and male.

[soquili-gitli.livejournal.com]

Humility is sometimes very important. Glad you were able to take it positively.

[nodesignation.livejournal.com]

Glad to see you working on all that. Working on your privilege is a tough task. Probably one of the harder things I've had to do in my life. It's easy for folks to latch onto where they are oppressed and forget about where they are privileged, but it's important to do.

[maestrodog.livejournal.com]

It is wonderful of you to recognize the disparity in opportunity and resources and empathize with your friend, but seriously, don't let that revelation invalidate your original statement. There are plenty of famous figures who had to overcome considerable difficulties with limited life resources yet still accomplished much (Oprah Winfrey, JK Rowling, Beethoven, Thomas Edison, FDR just to name a few).

And yes, you might have had more choices and lived a little more privileged than some, but again, that shouldn't undermine your own accomplishments...I don't think that anyone thinks any less of Bill Gates' achievements, for example, simply because he's a white guy from a wealthy family.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

Your list sounds remarkably like mine:
http://sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com/770601.html

[chaoticset.livejournal.com]

I hate the word, but I accept entirely that there are things like that, things that are absolutely part of me and I do not yet percieve them.

But I have never accepted that they are permanent, and never will.

That you can recognize it is a special sort of capability, and that you have that capability speaks volumes of you. :)

I do envy your luck, Joyce...but I try never to hold it against you. *hugs*

[blackberry74.livejournal.com]

I can't use my success as indicative of what everyone is capable of.

Actually, yes you can. Note your use of the word "capable". EVERYONE is capable of some kind of success. Whether or not it's the exact same kind of success as you is up to the person--some can't or won't do what you've done. So there's nothing wrong with what you've said. *hugs*