Transformers

[pandora_parrot]

I went to see Transformers with innerlife_ yesterday.

• The theater we went to sucked.
  
• The cube? The CUBE? What kind of name is that? I kept wondering, "Will it face the dreaded cone?" At least they called it the "All-spark" later.
  
• The cube (blech) turns all mechanical things into... decepticons? That's not a useful power! So how did the Autobots arrive?
  
• So these things wake up after being created by the cube, develop machine guns and missles, and start attacking everything around them? This seems... rather odd. I mean, what kind of thought pattern is that? "Hmm. I am alive and sentient. I can think for myself! I have machine guns and missle launchers! Oooh moving shapes! I'll shoot at them with my weapons! That seems like a good thing to do!" Certainly not the pattern I'd expect of most lifeforms that just popped into existence.
  
• *headsplat* Fake DDRing... ugh. They *STILL* don't get video games right.
  
• Jazz's entire purpose in the movie was to "be black" and die. There's no cultural thing going on here.... Nope. Okay, so the robot wasn't black, but it was a clear representation of black stereotypes. And of course, he was the only one to die. And the only memorably thing about him was that he was "acting black." Ugh ugh ugh.
  
• Megatron suddenly knows English? He's been frozen for millenia, and he knows English the moment he wakes up? Huh?
  
• We invented *CARS* because of Megatron? WTF?
  
• The transformers had no character development. They were just big, bumbling, robot guys fighting each other.
  
• OMG HACK THE PLANET?! This was some of the worst "hacking" I've ever seen. Yet another visual CG-rendered "hacking" sequence.
  
• As is usual in this sort of film, the movie spends plenty of time panning around the bodies of a bunch of females, but the men are all curiously ignored. Yay for female sex objects!
  
• The battles annoyed me a little bit... In the cartoons, they always fight like big humans... In this movie, they frequently fight like big hamster balls.
  
• Like innerlife_ said, "I was bored whenever there weren't robots fighting on screen."
  
• They even managed to fuck up morse code. *sighs*
  
• No military on the planet would be this incompetent. Seriously. Have they ever heard of "contingency plans?"

I loved dv_girl's summary of the film: Since all man's inventions like the car, airplane and radio were invented by stealing technology from Megatron after he was found in the 1920s, frozen at the north pole where he'd been for a thousand years, the Decepticons are able to make a virus that takes down all world communications systems. So they find the old telegraph station in the 1920's base and have to hotwire a computer to it to send morse code. The guy on the receiving end taps out the message on the transmitter and the day is saved.

Yeah... This plot makes no sense whatsoever. Zip, nada. Of course, if you went to see it for plot, you've come to the wrong director. Stupid Michael Bay.

EDIT: Ooh, This review is basically a complete summary of my feelings on the movie. It's very amusing. Go read it. :)


On the bright side, I got to hang with innerlife_, and OMG big awesome robots fighting each other! My favorite scene was the one where Starscream was fighting the fighter plans. That was cool. I'd love to see *THOSE SCENES* again. But screw the rest of the movie.... :)

Comments

[angels-ember.livejournal.com]

Okay, I was expecting it to be bad, but I still wanted to see it. Now I think I've lost all interest in seeing the film. /cry

Oh well. You just saved me $10, LoL.

Btw, LOVE the icon. I <3 The Doctor.

[paradox-puree.livejournal.com]

They're still OMG pretty robots beating on each other...

Just... try to ignore the plot. Completely. And you can sleep through th 60% of the movie featuring only humans and no robots.

[angels-ember.livejournal.com]

Too bad my bf can be such a stick-in-the-mud about PDA's, cuz it sounds like the perfect makeout movie! *grin*