Pandora Parrot (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pandora_parrot) wrote2011-01-17 11:33 am
pandora_parrot) wrote2011-01-17 11:33 am
Entry tags:
The Ghost in the Machine
I did a meditation on self-improvement and self-awareness this weekend.
I have this desire to always ask the meta question of... "Why?" Whatever I'm doing, whatever I'm thinking, I want to step outside of it and ask why I'm doing it.
The goal, of course is to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing in any given moment. Seek to understand the reasons for my actions, the influences internal and external that affect my behavior. I seek freedom from undue outside influence, a true sense of freedom to be who I really am. In some way, you could say that I want to *see* the "self." See the thing that is me watching itself and creating itself.
In asking the meta question like this... rising above this moment to see into it... I hope to become *more* than I was in that moment... Become more self-aware and perhaps become a better person.
But there is a negative aspect to this. To constantly seek to rise above is a never ending exploration of the self. It's like a video game with an amazing and beautiful world that you can explore forever in every direction because the environment is infinitely generated around you. If you keep trying to rise above the current moment to see inside it... To understand how it works... You're really going to be doing nothing more than constantly walking an endless cycle of rising above each thought. You're trying to climb to the top of a staircase that you're creating every second.
It's pointless....
It reminds me of that whole notion of "Be Here Now." The idea of letting go of this desire to walk the spiral staircase of constant self-awareness and becoming content in this moment... Becoming happy with all that I have right now... All that I am right now. It makes me consider the idea of, rather than trying to constantly step above a moment to gain a better perspective on it, sometimes, just exist inside that moment and experience it. Be part of it. Be here... now.
I have this desire to always ask the meta question of... "Why?" Whatever I'm doing, whatever I'm thinking, I want to step outside of it and ask why I'm doing it.
The goal, of course is to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing in any given moment. Seek to understand the reasons for my actions, the influences internal and external that affect my behavior. I seek freedom from undue outside influence, a true sense of freedom to be who I really am. In some way, you could say that I want to *see* the "self." See the thing that is me watching itself and creating itself.
In asking the meta question like this... rising above this moment to see into it... I hope to become *more* than I was in that moment... Become more self-aware and perhaps become a better person.
But there is a negative aspect to this. To constantly seek to rise above is a never ending exploration of the self. It's like a video game with an amazing and beautiful world that you can explore forever in every direction because the environment is infinitely generated around you. If you keep trying to rise above the current moment to see inside it... To understand how it works... You're really going to be doing nothing more than constantly walking an endless cycle of rising above each thought. You're trying to climb to the top of a staircase that you're creating every second.
It's pointless....
It reminds me of that whole notion of "Be Here Now." The idea of letting go of this desire to walk the spiral staircase of constant self-awareness and becoming content in this moment... Becoming happy with all that I have right now... All that I am right now. It makes me consider the idea of, rather than trying to constantly step above a moment to gain a better perspective on it, sometimes, just exist inside that moment and experience it. Be part of it. Be here... now.
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Strive to be aware, to be awake.
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