Invisible

[pandora_parrot]

The gathering of people.
What to do?
What to say?
Become the server.
Provide the entertainent
Board games, yo-yos, movies, music, karaoke.
Acting the fool, dancing around.
Can't talk...
I become invisible, hiding in the light.
Playing the role.
With confusion and fear surrounding me...
I perform for the crowd, giving them the show I think they want.
I feel alone... surrounded by my family and friends.

Again...
With the same people, it is the same patterns.
But now, the reasons differ.
We don't know what to say to each other.
Behind veils of uncertainty we do not understand one another.
They don't know why I've changed.
I don't know how they feel.
Neither of us know what to say.
In the crowd.
People stand around me.
Who can open up to me? Who shows their love to me? Who relates to me?
The new friend I just met.
The mother-in-law whose daughter I am leaving.
The people that have the least reason to love me.
To everyone else, I am invisible.
And I become the server.
The entertainer.
And the butt of their jokes.

My dream is to live...
But it's so hard to live in my old life.
It takes effort
It will take work.
Rebuild the bridges that have been damaged.

But in the crowd
To be invisible
It hurts.